They Come For Many Reasons, They Stay Because They Make Friends – Discipleship Pathway Part 2
Discipleship Pathway is a 6-part blog series that walks through the entire discipleship process; from someone who is far from God (the skeptic, the curious, the cynic) to someone who is close to God (the convinced, the sold-out, the on fire). We’ll be looking at each of the steps of a discipleship pathway.
Discipleship Pathway Part 2
They Come For Many Reasons, They Stay Because They Make Friends
Don’t be fooled, people don’t stay for the music, or the preaching, or the building, or the website. They may come because of it. But they won’t stay because of it.
Ask a church member why they’re at the church. Ask any parent why they go to the church they go to. They will all have the same answer, “We have friends here.”
We. Have. Friends. Here.
So, how do people make friends at your church? I know many churches strive to be friendly but how do people actually make friends?
Friendships Take Intention
You must understand that friendships in the church take intention. It won’t just happen. You need to have your friendliest, most outgoing people, on the hunt for new people and give them the tools to help them make friends. Some churches have a group of people that are ready to invite new people for lunch after the service. They may not take them up on the offer, but they will remember the invite. What is your intentional process for connecting new people to your church? How are people welcomed, connected, and invited back? What does it look like for someone who is brand new to connect on their first Sunday? How can you tell if someone has come back for a second Sunday? Don’t just hope it will happen, be intentional about your follow-up and connection.
Friendships Need Environments to Grow
There are certain environments that are conducive to developing friends and Sunday morning isn’t one of them. If we expect people to connect and make friends by showing up for 90 minutes, facing the front and smiling at the person next to them, it won’t happen. The new people will eventually leave and say something like, “there were nice people, we just didn’t connect.” You need to have environments that new people can connect to in order to develop their friendships. Newcomers’ lunches or “pizza with the pastor” are perfect environments for newcomers to connect. Alpha is another environment where newcomers (especially new Christians) can find their way to connect. Churches also offer “growth tracks” and other one-offs, easy-to-take classes where someone can commit for an hour and make connections. The goal of all these things is to get people to connect with each other. This way, they will make friends with each other. What environments do you have that allow for friendships to grow?
“We only have room for so many friends.”
This is a big problem for most churches, their current members already have enough friends and have no room for more. They can be friendly, but they most likely won’t be friends with the newcomers unless they drop one of their existing friends. It’s a problem that can only be fixed by connecting new people to new people. New people aren’t connected to people in the church so you can facilitate them by connecting to each other and watching those friendships take off. Find ways for new people to connect with new people.
A high priority in your church should be connecting people to people. Find opportunities for connection, development, and friendship building. Watch for people who aren’t connected and find ways to connect them to others. We can’t get it right all the time, but we can do our best to make sure that people can make friends.
Remember, you don’t get points for being friendly, that should be a given. You only begin to grow when new people can make lifelong friends.
Jeremiah works as an Effectiveness Coach with the ABNWT District of the PAOC. He is a passionate and creative leader who believes that the church is the hope of the world. He uses collaboration, innovation, and inspiration to challenge churches and their leadership to engage in the only mission Jesus ever sent his church on: making disciples.